This Week

This week MMCT is leading a workshop on interpersonal skills and stress management. Expatriate mission workers and intra-African mission workers came from 5 or 6 different West African countries. People are from a variety of backgrounds- translators, librarians, doctors, brail teachers, accountants, pastors, and a variety of home countries: Canada, Congo, Benin, France, Japan, The Netherlands, and the US. It is amazing to see how many different ways people support the work that is happening in Africa.
I am here to participate in the workshop, but am also strategically interacting with certain people who are having difficulty or coming from particularly stressful situations. Several are working in the Ivory Coast or Togo; both countries are that bubbling with civil unrest bordering on war. One session focused on grief and it was particularly poignant for the group. There are so many losses that come along with international life, especially life in Africa. Most of the people have had at least one experience of being evacuated because of due to the outbreak of war, faced the threat of innumerable dangers, and all of them have left family and friends at home. Living here means giving up a certain degree of safety; it means being away from comfortable people and loved ones. It also means watching people come in and out of your life. Most people come for several years and then return to their home country for six months or a year, come back, or go somewhere else. There is a lot of coming and going, a lot of turnover and many organizational shifts. People do not always give themselves time to acknowledge loss, or grieve, especially because there are so many losses piled on top of each other.

In a way, some of the conversations here remind me of a conversation I had with a young gulf war vet. We talked about the deaths that he had witnessed while he was in Iraq. He knew that going to war would involve death. It did not surprise him- it was a predictable outcome of war, an expected risk. Yet, he was not prepared for the sadness he felt, his emotional reaction shocked him and made him uncomfortable. Because death was expected, even matter-of -fact, he expected himself to have a matter-of-fact reaction and was unprepared for the extent of depression and distress that followed the loss of his friends. International workers make calculated sacrifices, they expect separations and danger. However, the nature of the work and the decision to take risks do not undo the inner workings of the heart. Like with the soldier, it is unrealistic for them to expect to sail through incredibly difficult experiences without any type of emotional reaction. People still grieve when they loose friends, safety or experience death and poverty around them. As we have talked about loss and grief throughout the course of the week, I have watched people soften and become more open and real – perhaps giving themselves license to feel a bit. It is not a pity party, but an acknowledgement that all decisions (even good, brave, noble decisions) involve loss, and losses (big or small) come with pain.